I went in for a routine physical exam. While being examined, my doctor asked me, “why do you eat so much?” Those six words changed my life! She didn’t suggest that I diet or change any eating habits; she just casually asked that question. Her words stay with me even today. That’s been many years ago. Days after the exam I started eating fewer portions and within about two months, I lost 17 pounds. I have no problem maintaining my lower weight. I also have no problem with being hungry. I now enjoy eating smaller portions and maintaining a healthier lifestyle. Thank God for those words!

There are also words found in the bible that have revolutionized the way I approach people and relationships. The King James versions reads, “From whence come wars and fightings among you?”

He tells us in the book of James 4:1-2 where the fighting is really coming from. The conflict and the fighting we often experience with others is really COMING FROM WITHIN US! If we can understand that concept, it will change our lives and the way we think and act! It’s not necessarily the cashier who seems to be taking her time that causes you irritation while waiting in line. It’s the war within you and me that causes the irritation. The problem is much deeper. Deep in our core there is a war going on. We often choose situations to battle over by constantly complaining to someone about something. If you find yourself always nagging, complaining, criticizing, or arguing with people or about issues, the war is within you. You are the man in the mirror! Just asking him to change is not enough. You have to stop the hellish cycle and began to ask God to help you. I have to ask God to help me.

When we realize where the war is coming from and sincerely and consistently focus our prayers on us and about us, God will help us. If we go this route instead of what we have been used to, the struggle with people and issues will begin to subside. We will begin to walk in peace and view life differently. It’s true that we can’t avoid all offenses, but we need to know, if God doesn’t help us, we will be in some way at fault for many conflicts with others (James 3:2; Proverbs 13:10; Romans 8:13).

I’d like to give an example as you think about the word “fault.” I’ll take the word fault to the extreme. A person recently felt justified when they shot through a drive-thru window because they were given the wrong order. They felt it was the cashier’s fault. Even if the cashier purposely gave the wrong order, it should rarely justify someone warring with heated words and drastic actions. I used this extreme example, but less forceful actions go on within us. We’re capable of manipulating to get our way, or we might dominate others because we feel justified. None of these ways are Christian or Christ-like.

We must follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man will see the Lord (Hebrews 12:14).